How I Came to Follow Jesus
Photo: Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado, 2018.
I'm a follower of Jesus, and this is my story. I grew up in a fairly Christian household. It wasn't something that was super pushed. We stopped going to church when I was 9, and I don't really remember going to church as a family. Occasionally in middle school, I would sleep over at a friend's house Saturday night and go to church with him Sunday morning. Jesus was talked about enough for me to know that I had sinned and Jesus died for my sins. My mom encouraged me to follow Jesus, and I knew Christianity was the worldview I agreed with even if I didn't know why at the time.
My best friend and I went to the same college. After the first week of classes, we decided we wanted to go to church while we were there. We found a local church and biked there in the heat of August that Sunday. We locked our bikes to a tree outside the building and went in. The greeter told us all of the college students sat in the front right of the sanctuary, so my friend and I went to sit over there.
This was the moment that would change the trajectory of my life. We met students that were in a campus ministry at our university. This ministry focused on relational discipleship and fighting for those around you to know Jesus. We joined a small group, and I would be baptized that fall. This ministry taught me that Jesus wasn't just a get-out-of-Hell-free card. God wanted relationship with me and to be my friend. In the spring, I was asked to take the leadership training class to become a small group leader myself to learn how to share the Gospel with my classmates.
At this point in time, I think I genuinely loved Jesus and wanted others to know Him. However, being a small group leader started to surface problems in my life. Growing up, I was always into video games. College was when I had the independence and lack of accountability to turn that hobby more into an addiction. Leading a small group was the first time in college where I was challenged with how I spent my free time. I didn't like how I had to actually give up my free time where I could be playing Skyrim or Destiny to hang out with my small group and love people. It also was hindering my desire to spend time with Jesus. I was choosing to spend all my time playing games instead of hanging out with my Creator and instead of loving those around me.
As this addiction got worse and conflicted with my role in the ministry, my leader at the time confronted me. He ultimately wasn't concerned about how I wasn't living up to my responsibilities as a leader. He was concerned about my spiritual well-being because I was slowly walking away from Jesus with my lifestyle. Jesus wasn't Lord of my life.
I used this conversation as an excuse to quit being a small group leader. Quitting led to me going deeper into this lifestyle of entertainment I had cultivated. I lived the following school year, my last in college, doing whatever I wanted. I still considered myself a Christian, so I was in my roommate's small group and initially went to the worship services. I eventually started hanging out with coworkers more and picked up smoking cigarettes. Nicotine was a drug I messed around with in previous years in various forms. They weren't ever long seasons though. Maybe only a couple cigarettes here or a night of snus there. This instance cigarette smoking became an addiction. I was smoking half-a-pack a day. I was giving into my carnal desires as I pushed more into what I thought wanted to do.
There's a vivid memory where I had skipped one of the worship services to play Mega Man. I was nearly done with beating it, so I decided to stay home and beat the Yellow Devil instead of worshipping God. When my roommate got home, he called me out on it. My excuse was that I knew everything already, so why did I need to go? He shared with me that people got value out of me going and it wasn't just about me. He called me out on my crap. That woke me up enough to go again.
This led to one service that changed my life. I don't remember what the sermon was about. I just remember afterwards having a moment with God where He called me out on how I was living. He told me that I was trying to live this half-in, half-out lifestyle with Him. I wanted the "perks" of being a Christian (in my brain, not going to Hell). However, I wanted to make the decisions in my life without submitting to Jesus. God gave me an ultimatum. He told me that I had to decide. Did I want to live for Him or live for myself?
Photo: Sunrise at Wilson Lake, Kansas, 2021.
Around this time, I had been trying to quit cigarettes, thinking that I just wouldn't buy more when I ran out, but I would inevitably just buy another pack. I knew smoking was stupid, but I was hooked. When God gave me the ultimatum, He told me to throw away the cigarettes as my first act of obedience. I obeyed. He freed me from my addiction. I quit cold turkey. There were a few moments of temptation over the following years regarding nicotine, but I wasn't a slave anymore. I could say no.
Since then, I've continued to be refined by Jesus. Cigarettes weren't the only problem in my life. Eventually, the Lord convicted me about my drinking, love of horror movies, among other things. However, I've never regretted saying yes to Jesus when He tells me to give something up. My Designer who knows exactly how I should live actually knows what He's talking about when He tells me to change. This refinement as led to me being a less selfish person and being more who I was created to be.
I've grown deeper in my love for Jesus. I grew in deeper understanding why Christianity as a worldview is rational. It's actually the only argument that I've heard that satisfies the question of where did both morality and reality come from? The existence of the God of the Bible answers those where as other worldviews as far as I've found out can only answer one of those.
I've learned that He calls me (and you!) to friendship, not servanthood. Yes, I want to serve Jesus, and He's King of the universe. However, it's a partnership. He calls us friends. The point Jesus' gruesome death on the cross wasn't to change my trajectory from point A (Hell) to point B (Heaven). It was to restore our friendship. He brought me out of my shame, showing me the value I have because of Him. I don't want to go to Heaven because it's Heaven. I want to be where God is. I've also learned that being a Christian isn't just about what will happen to me when I die. It can affect me right now. I have relationship with God right now. I hang out with Him everyday.
That's the source of my joy. Not video games (though I still play them occassionally). Not nicotine. Not X, Y, or Z that our culture pushes as the cure or escape for our anxiety, stress, and fear. Jesus carries my burdens, and He can carry yours.